Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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