If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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