his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
