is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
