What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
