You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
