Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
