he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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