He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
