After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
