a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize