2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
