That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
