I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
