it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
