Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
