how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
