how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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