I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
