new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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