I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
