yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
