My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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