There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
