I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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