the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry about my life...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
