Define "chronic" masturbator.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
