Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love you.
Bad choice
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
