Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
