i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize