Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
