i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So many bounce houses so little time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
