he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
