I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
