Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bring money and cleavage
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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