she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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