I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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