I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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