If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just had sex bonerless
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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