Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
