its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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