Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
