I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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