even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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