I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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