my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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