OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
