I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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