Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize