my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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