This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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