i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
