There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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