Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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