I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
