Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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