i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
