hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
please come you make the beer taste better
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
