girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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