On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
