singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
