Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
