Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize