At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
